my life

this post might be random and not understandable but then again it just might clear things up for me. My life right now seems very odd to me. I don't feel like it's me. I feel like I'm watching someone else go through things that happen and I often want to stop her from doing certain things or make her do others, but it just doesn't happen. She doesn't like to listen to me. Now usually when my life isn't going exactly how I want it, I take a day off, make some goals and get to work the next day. However I have tried this several times this year with no effect. It seems all the girl wants to do is well nothing really. That's the problem. No motivation. No positive energy. No goals. No routine. No discipline. No responsibilities. No reason to change. I find myself falling back to a mental state that I had in High School. I didn't really care to "better my situation". I feel that it is pointless. I will still go on living whether I be living in debt, wealth, amongst the highest quality gear or Kmart specials, with a gut and cellulite thighs or 13% body fat and a 6 minute mile. life will go on. am i really destined to work an 8-5 for the next 30 years just so I can buy a motor home and spend my retirement on gasoline, cheap bird feeders and post cards from souvenir shops? I guess it's either that or a life time of looking for opportunities to make an easy buck and keep food on the table by milking every welfare program there is. When I live my life for someone else, I never get where I want. When I live for myself I feel selfish and pointless. Solution? Lay in bed all day and eat quesadillas with black beans and corn - blogging and downloading movies/music off line.