Kona doing yoga and a few pictures from Have a poo pie

goin' crazy?

I'm not the one that's crazy...well maybe

This past weekend was crazy fun! (See mary's blog -link on the right- for pictures and details) I have to be brutally honest though...it could have been better. I could have done without all the crap. And by crap I mean both literally poo everywhere (both animal and human) and drama due to...well I don't really feel the need to explain it but really "can't we all just get along?" Sometimes when dealing with these types of situations (I don't really know what I mean by that because I have NEVER had to deal with a situation even close to this)I am reminded of something that my dear friend angela told me. She said that nothing seems to be a big deal to me. In this situation I think it is true. It's really not that big of a deal to me...why is it to everyone else?! I've been getting a lot of "how would you feel if you were in my shoes?" Type questions and all I think of saying is FINE! I think I would feel just fine!

I pretty much slept all day yesterday re cooperating from my vacation. Today at work I've spent the majority of my day planning with my relatively new planner (thanks mom!) I think it is going to help.

I'm usually not a pessimistic, glass is half empty kind of person but lately I've felt like a downer. Like I don't have happy energy of my own. It all must be borrowed and when I'm not surrounded by happy people I'm screwed. Maybe I'm going through a really early mid life crisis or I guess you would call it a quarter life crisis? I hope it doesn't last for very long. But I don't really think that is what it is. I don't feel like I'm too old to fulfil my dreams yet. I feel like I'm being manipulated and my personal bubble of serenity has been cheese grated. I hate being subject to my surroundings. It's getting to the point where I want to wear a sign that says "if you're not in a good mood GET AWAY FROM ME. I don't want to hear anymore about what I'm doing wrong, unfair, or making things harder for anyone else- work, church or social life. If I suck so much LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!

my life

this post might be random and not understandable but then again it just might clear things up for me. My life right now seems very odd to me. I don't feel like it's me. I feel like I'm watching someone else go through things that happen and I often want to stop her from doing certain things or make her do others, but it just doesn't happen. She doesn't like to listen to me. Now usually when my life isn't going exactly how I want it, I take a day off, make some goals and get to work the next day. However I have tried this several times this year with no effect. It seems all the girl wants to do is well nothing really. That's the problem. No motivation. No positive energy. No goals. No routine. No discipline. No responsibilities. No reason to change. I find myself falling back to a mental state that I had in High School. I didn't really care to "better my situation". I feel that it is pointless. I will still go on living whether I be living in debt, wealth, amongst the highest quality gear or Kmart specials, with a gut and cellulite thighs or 13% body fat and a 6 minute mile. life will go on. am i really destined to work an 8-5 for the next 30 years just so I can buy a motor home and spend my retirement on gasoline, cheap bird feeders and post cards from souvenir shops? I guess it's either that or a life time of looking for opportunities to make an easy buck and keep food on the table by milking every welfare program there is. When I live my life for someone else, I never get where I want. When I live for myself I feel selfish and pointless. Solution? Lay in bed all day and eat quesadillas with black beans and corn - blogging and downloading movies/music off line.

a view of the salmon river from the balcony of my hotel room. My job is pretty cool sometimes.