Friday, December 31, 2004

Happy New Year!

Well, its New Years Eve and I think I'm going to watch a movie with Sarka and go to bed shortly after 12. I'm feeling a little sick and I don't want to look like total crap tomorrow when I see SAM!! AHHH!!! His plane comes in tomorrow at 11:30 and then I'll be riding with him and his family to Janesville (app. 45 min south) to get him released. I have a feeling that car ride might be akward. I decided to crochet him some mittens for christmas, and I got him a nice pair of reef sandals because he's going to be in San Diego.
I babysat all day today, and when I say all day I mean from 9pm last night till 7:30 tonight. We went to the mall, Mc Donalds...oh, and while we were at Mc Donalds I asked if I could see some nutrition facts (I didn't work out today or yesterday because I feel like I need my energy to keep from getting sick. I feel pretty drained) anyways, I wanted to eat whatever had the least fat/calories. I don't think it should have been a big deal but the guy at the register started giving me a hard time and asking why I was watching my weight. Oh, may I mention too that this guy was majorly suffering from dunlap (his belly done lapped over his belt...ha ha) and just looked kind of sickly in general. Anyways I told him I don't necessarily watch my weight, but I like to watch myself and make sure I'm healthy. Then he gave me an even stranger look and started almost making fun of me. It was so weird. I wanted to just tell him that I'm careful so I don't turn out people like him! Then after I ordered he didn't type it in and asked if that's what I was really eating. All I ordered was a regular hamburger. sheesh, talk about annoying. Anyways I have to babysit again tomorrow morning. I don't really want to because I wanted to spend all morning getting ready for when I see Sam. Oh well though. Since when do I get to do what I want when I come home. By the way, I forgot to change Annamarie's diaper today and didn't realize it till we were at the mall and poop got all over the place. It leaked out of her diaper and got on her clothes and was all over her. It was kind of embarassing to clean up. I got some strange looks from people in the bathroom. sick.
Ok, in response to some comments on my last blog: Mary, that thing about you stealing that guys fries was hilarius. Thanks for the running encouragement, and I don't feel guilty about thinking about Sam. I wanted to clear this up for Randy too. All I was saying was I want to see him and I was waiting and had finally gotten to the point where if it were something I had control over I would have just given in. I guess I have a certain level of tolerance for how much I want things versus how much they cost whether it be money or another type of cost (in the case of stealing I guess it would be a moral cost) and I got to the point where if it were up to me I'd just go see him. I guess it just felt strange to want to make a decision like for something I really have no control over whatsoever and come to that point with out getting the results I'm used to (getting what I want). ok, that sounded bratty. Oh well. That's how I felt.
ok, on to less complicated topics: yes it was me on desert survival who lost her shirt...and one pant leg. Luckily we found them both :) Also we found out later that a lot of people were praying. Mary: of course you can stay with me next week. I think all the beds are full (that is if everyone is back from break) but if worst comes to worse my thermarest is still available.
Randy: thanks for the advice and Angela I'm glad that you know 'carrie' and 'jo' as well.
ok, I feel like I'm just blabing the way I do to whoever is around me when I'm nervous about something and I guess that's what I'm doing with my blog because I just realized I don't really want to sign off. But I can't help it...I'm nervous about seeing Sam. I guess what I'm really nervous about is that I won't have that much time to get ready and I'll be sitting in a car with him for 45 min. before he's released. ok, I guess I should finish putting his gift together. I need to find and sew lining into the mittens, wrap the things and write in his card. time is ticking! ahhhh. Ok, I really am calm.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

We celebrated Christmas again yesterday with the whole family this time because Bruce had to work etc... I got a gift card to go to the chiropractor from Bruce and Sarka. I really needed it. My back's been feeling weird and I wanted to get it checked out but didn't really have the cash...so bueno! I've been keeping busy cleaning the house, cooking and doing random things my mom asks me to. Sometimes I'll just sit in the living room and my mom will come in and talk at me for like an hour. I think it helps her relieve stress or something. Sometimes I feel like I'm being sucked back into this vortex of confusion that I was slowly able to crawl out of over the years of being away from home. I've stopped caring about what I do all day, I sleep till 12:30 or 1pm. I eat brownies for breakfast, wear really ugly clothes that I found in the attic, watch movies during the day, and have stopped caring about plucking my eyebrows. But then, just as I go to the kitchen and look for some candy or chocolate or something to eat for lunch the clutter and confusion overwhelms me, I realise I can't live like this and I grab something small and healty and head for the YMCA. I've been jogging to get there because there's no other way I can get myself to jog. I can't run on treadmills and I won't jog outside randomly for longer than 5 min. So, I work out until I'm exhausted, jog home (it takes about 20 min) and try to clean up the house again or do something productive like shop for a Christmas present for Sam, drive Sterling around or plan for school (I've had to smooth out some problems that came from me "graduating" in Dec.). You know it really is strange how separated I feel like the lives of "carrie" and "jo" are. I feel like I have split personalities or something.
Well, Sam comes home on Saturday and Fern has been calling me and helping me work out all the little details that I don't know if I'd necessarily over look, but I like talking about (thanks Fern). I try not to think about it too much because everytime I do I get that feeling inside -sorry about the horrible analogy- when you know you shouldn't do something (like eat the whole chocolate cake, or even something like keeping the wad of cash you found at the theatre, stealing your roommates really expensive food or shower stuff, or that feeling when you're jogging and decide to walk even though your not that tired or just anytime you've had to control yourself from doing something you really want to do) then I feel like giving in and just doing it! But that's the problem, it's not like I'm making the decision not to see him yet so even when I would give in...I don't get to see him. Wow, did that make any sense. Speaking of giving in...I really want a burrito and I've had dinner twice today! Once at 5 as usual and once at 7:30 also as usual now too.
Oh, I bought a book about animal psychology. I think it's pretty interesting. Maybe I'll start reading more. I think I'll definitely read more when I get out of school. I know that sounds backwards, but when I'm not being forced to read other things, I think I'll read for fun more.

Sunday, December 26, 2004


ahh, the love Posted by Hello


brian got a basebal glove... Posted by Hello


This was pretty cool. There's a leak that we've tried to fix tons of time, but we can't so my mom's had to empty this bucket of water every time she does a load of laundry and turn off the water every time she's done. For Christmas brian rigged up this funnel thing that directs it to the drain.  Posted by Hello


that's me sleeping under 3 -yes 3-blankets. It gets cold... Posted by Hello


this is when we went ice skating before we flew out.  Posted by Hello


Christmas dinner...we had turkey, cranberries, rolls, salad, rice... Posted by Hello


notice the expression on my mom's face Posted by Hello


Last minute touches on the quilt Posted by Hello


Brian and Mom go in for an embrace. The green thing inbetween them is sterling's shoulder. Posted by Hello


Sterling got me a dalmation tree ornament...aww Posted by Hello

Happy Sabbath :) Brian posted some pic's on his web page from christmas. You should all look at them. But for those lazy turds who won't, I'll post some of my favorites.
After church I drove Sterling and a guy named Chia around to give the sacrament to old ladies in resthomes. We visited this one old lady who couldn't remember if she had any kids or not. She was 90. We told her we knew her son Joey and she lit up and said "oh, you know little Joey! ah little Joey :) " Then Bro. Harrison informed us that Joe was about 6'2" and in his late 60's, but she still calls him little Joey. Then when she saw me she said "oh, a woman came. Good because women help women. Well, you men help me too, but women help women." I thought it was kinda funny. And another old lady we visited could barely hear. You literally had to yell really loud so she could understand you. It was kind of award. She thought I was her visiting teacher and thanked me for coming. She said she hasn't seen anyone for 2 months and was wondering what happened to them. It made me feel double guilty because not only did I not have a message for her, but I didn't do my visiting teaching this month either. It felt good to brighten some old ladies days today though.
Well, usually when I go home I try to clean a room or two, but this year I've selfishly decided to spare myself the stress. Brian changed that for me when he started cleaning the garage and laundry room. He inspired me to clean inside so I'm going to try to straighten up the sewing area. He posted some before and after pics in his album. -chao

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Hey hey! It's been bitter cold here with absolutely no snow and this morning when I woke up the temperatures were higher and there was snow everywhere :) We got a white christmas! Christmas was good. I've decided I like christmas with my family. It feels real and it's funny.
ok, to mary and angela who say my blog makes them feel fat: I'll have you know that I have eaten soooo much junk since I've been here that it doesn't even matter if I work out. We have about 4 different kinds of cheese and crackers that I have been constantly eating as well as cookies, pastries, brownies, fudge and white fudge covered oreos. On top of it all, I've managed to eat about 6 to 8 meals a day because I keep eating when I normally would and people keep cooking for me. Here's an exaple: I come down stairs and eat some cereal, toast and since we have fresh fruit I top it off with a pear or banana or something...ok, so I'm full. Then my mom feels the need to make me scrambled eggs with tons of cheese in it. I love scrambled eggs with tons of cheese, so I totally stuff myself with eggs dripping with grease. Then an hour or so later it's lunch time and I make myself a sandwich (who knows why because I'm not hungry yet) and about a half an hour later I'm out with my brothers who are hungry and we end up eating at the food court in the mall (and everyone knows that is never healthy food) Well, then we get home and I eat dinner by myself because no one else eats around 5:30, then at about a little after 7 dinner gets made and the family eats...and so do I! ugg!
ok, enough about food. I just want everyone to know that I got a beautiful sweater for christmas. It's an off white knitted sweater with pink sparkly snowflake things on it. I think I'm going to wear it to church tomorrow.

Thursday, December 23, 2004


here's my little bro on the phone Posted by Hello


I thought this pic of the capitol was cool, the lake is frozen in little wave things oooo... Posted by Hello

This morning started with a trip to the YMCA. I'm really starting to form a bond with that place. I ran 3 miles, swam for a while and sat in the hot tub :) the rest of the day was spent at the mall with my brothers. Well, lets start with yesterday: I took my dad to work, then hung out with Bruce and his kids shopping for a cell phone for him and his wife. Then Sterling, Brian and I met Sterling's friends at the theatre and we saw Oceans 12. I liked it. Then we went to YMCA and swam, lifted, and ran on the treadmill. For the rest of that night I chatted with my mom. ok, so now to finish what I did today. I got to exchange some pants I got a while ago for some ones that fit and now I'm going to head over to Bruce and Sarka's for dinner. I guess I really don't get to much done in a day, but there's a lot of waiting and doing little odd jobs or like today-I forgot to mention-I went grocery shopping for the fam.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

10 laps a swimming
9 miles biking
8 weights a lifting
7 tv's playing
6 miles running (jogging)
5 armstrong wrist bands
4 crying kids
3 fat guys
2 buff studs
and right now I really have to pee!

Well, in other words: my mom signed me up on the family YMCA pass (props to mom) It's pretty ghetto, but I love it. There's a pool, weight room, basketball and raquetball courts. Plus it opens at 5:15 and doesn't close till 10:30. I actually wish it stayed open a little later, but hey. I also love that it's warm there and I can break a sweat. Our house is freezing! We apparently don't have insulation in most of the house and my parents are too cheap to turn the heater up. They keep the house at about 60 and everyone is ok with that! The attic always gets a lot colder though and I have to sleep in my hoodie with 2 comforters. Not my favorite thing in the world, but I guess something has to make the house feel christmasy/different from summer.
We've been getting a tiny bit of snow, but mostly its just cold here.
ok, I'll probably up date my blog a lot over break for a few reasons. One, it gives me something to do. Two, I usually leave break having no idea what I've done for those 2 weeks and I'm kind of excited that I've found a way to totally document it and 3 I just deal better when I can vent to someone and that's probably what my blog will turn into for the next couple of days...so there: you are all forewarned!
So in reguards to the I have to pee statement: we only have one bathroom in the house and just as I was headed for it my dad jumped into the shower...bummer. I'd go outside but the 'cover bushes' are dead and there's enought snow that everyone would be able to see it...plus it's freezing so that's a no go
Yesterday Brian and I went around the 'Eastside' mall looking for christmas presents for people and I got my dad some socks. Oh and I got my drivers liscence finally. We visited my dad at work and he gave us a tour of the furniture store. He was pretty excited. Later that night my mom took me and got me a spedo swim suit so now I have something to work out in (thanks mom). They only had one color in one style that was my size so I got that. I hope it works.


me in the morning...in case any of you guys reading this misses that scene..tee hee Posted by Hello


da da...our house...in the middle of the street.. Posted by Hello


even better :) this morning she hopped on my hand. She nibbled on my fingers at first. Almost as if to decide if it was a 'bad' hand or not. Well, I didn't take a swing at her, so she stayed and ate her breakfast.  Posted by Hello


ahh, success. After a whole day and a half with no food, she finally would hang from the cage and eat out of my hand. This was last night.  Posted by Hello


well, here she is...the 3 yr old parakeet. Her name was phoenix, but I call her sweetpea.  Posted by Hello

Tuesday, December 21, 2004


we were tired Posted by Hello


whoa, don't want to meet that in a back alley of L.A. Posted by Hello


Cath...lookin jolly for the holidays Posted by Hello


angela...aww Posted by Hello


we have big teeth Posted by Hello

Monday, December 20, 2004

I'll be home for Christmas...

...if only in my dreams.
So here I am in good ol' Madison. The trip went pretty well. I finished up my last couple of days in the burg hanging out with my roomies Kori and "cale". We made 7 layer bean dip, virgin strawberrry margaritas and watched the muppets christmas carol. Then I headed down to the perve to chill with angela. It was good times as usual. This morning we had french toast with some killer strawberry and whip cream stuff, peanut butter (of course) and orange juice. I rode to the airport with angela and her sister and they left a few hours before I did. My plan was to change, shove all my stuff in one of those lockers and go for a jog before I spent the rest of my day sitting on my butt. It didn't work out. Ever since Sept. 11th they have no more lockers and I found it kind of discouraging to try to work out with a backpack and suitcase with me. I ended up finding an empty booth thing and did sit ups and push ups in that for a while. I felt kinda weird, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep myself from eating tons and if I ate tons and sat all day I would be hating myself by the time I went to bed. So then Brian showed up and we got on the plane. I slep most of the way and we had an hour layover in Chicago.
The fam's doing pretty good. Everything looks about the same except that my parents moved into Sterlings room and Sterling moved upstairs. It makes more sense that way anyways. Oh and a little detail that no one bothered to tell me...we have a bird! I was really excited to find her. The only annoying thing is that she's 3 yrs old and no one has ever tried to train her to do anything. I think I'm going to try over break. But my question is...is a trained bird happier than a wild one? I know they're not happier when you're training them because it involved starving them until they'll eat out of your hand, clipping their wings and stuff like that. Then I thought they are because everything needs a little discipline, but then is a trained bird that will most likely be neglected worse off? Who knows...
I think I'm going to get a new license tomorrow, exchange my pants, get sterlings and my dads christmas presents and look for a place I can work out at over break.

Thursday, December 16, 2004


brian and I got to ride mustangs...well that's what they told us. Posted by Hello


rosarito Posted by Hello


we thought this sign fit brian Posted by Hello